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220 posts
2010
2009
ARTICLE
Sneaker’s Delight
by Kimberley Jev
A line up in the early hours of the morning is something you don’t come across too often in Calgary, Alberta…. hold on, hold on, this isn’t the kind of line up…
ARTICLE
Predictions 2009
by Maxpower & D4V
We're back for another year, predictions 2009. Let's just hit this straight away. 2008 sucked. It was a year where Harpers Collins introduced the word 'meh' as…
2008
ARTICLE
Six Stops in London
by Adrian Bryksa
We visited some of the best museums, saw some of the landmarks and spent a day in one of the most historic and beautiful cities in the world. We could have easily spent a week exploring and discovering, but felt pretty good with what we had seen and where we had been. It was without a doubt, one good day.
ARTICLE
Mr.Rat
by Pamela Hruska
A neurosurgeon presented research on traumatic brain injuries. The subject: Mr. Rat. The type of brain injury being studied? A diffuse axonal one. This means somehow the mad scientist will need to invent a way to shear a large portion of the neural processes that allow one neuron to communicate with another.
ARTICLE
Predictions 2008
by Maxpower & D4V
So as you can see we have an uncanny ability here to be either completely accurate or 100% wrong. So I invite you to take what we are saying here as either a Nostradamus-like truth or a hilariously incorrect rejoinder. There is no grey area.
2007
ARTICLE
Canadian DCMA: Protect Your Anus
by Gordon McDowell
If you're a Canadian concerned about your fair-use rights, or Canada's ability to compete in the world economy... then you've probably already asked yourself, "What can I do to ensure Canada's future copyright legislation isn't written strictly to appease multinational media corporations?"
ARTICLE
Urban Design
by Pamela Hruska
Chaotic and hasty. Building after building is being torn down with open pits sitting around for long periods of time. Roads are being ripped up everywhere. Traffic lanes are being closed during peak hours, and yet to come is the possible one year closure of a main block in Calgary's downtown core..
ARTICLE
Following Through on Your Fitness Resolutions
by Michelle Ancelin
We are already six months into the New Year, and if you are finding that your health and fitness resolutions have already begun to fizzle out, or are just not happening, here are some surefire and practical tips for reviving them!
ARTICLE
The Money Series
by MaxPower
Sure you or anyone "could" paint numbers in a sequence as well, but would that be the same when you know you are copying someone somewhere? The Money Series is also a mild rebuke of the conservative idea of art - the one when you go to a gallery, look at something pretty (or not) purchase it and bring it home.
2006
ARTICLE
Predictions 2007
by Maxpower & D4V
Loyal readers of R4NT will know that for the past couple of years D4V and I (MaxPower) have teamed up to predict and prognosticate on the trends which will impact the next year. We also look at our predictions from last year and either enjoy a victory lap around R4NT headquarters for our Nostradamus-like insight or hang our heads in shame.
ARTICLE
Gear Up For Winter: Snowboarding
by Ian Harding
You'll also want a boot with the proper flex. Freestyle boots differ from freeride boots in flexibility, so make sure you understand your riding style before hitting the stores and sales as it can greatly affect your riding.
ARTICLE
Ode to the Nurses
by Crom
I had been asked a number of times how I would rate the pain: 1 to 10. I asked if there was a higher number available, I said I was dying. To be fair, I really thought I was.
ARTICLE
Crom Vs. Canadian Club
by Crom
Let's get one thing straight, I don't drink rye all that often. In fact I hold firm to the belief that when you drink rye, you're basically priming yourself to get into a fist fight.
ARTICLE
Get Packing
by Beauty
I don’t claim to have any expertise or training when it comes to packing groceries, but I do have a lot of experience carrying ripped, overstuffed grocery bags up the elevator.
ARTICLE
Freestyle
by Silenced Scream
I tell them I don't want a girlfriend, I tell them that I find them physically attractive and that I would love to spend time exploring their bodies and sharing a night of fun and passion together.
ARTICLE
Aqua
by Pamela Hruska
I was out for dinner the other day, and believe it or not, the latest up and coming for fine dining will be a water list. That’s right, not the wine list, the water list.
ARTICLE
Bono Asks for debt relief
by Gordon McDowell
They can't afford to provide a decent education to their children. We're calling on the leaders of China and Japan to please forgive some of the US debt.
ARTICLE
Predictions 2006
by Maxpower & D4V
Loyal readers of R4NT will know that for the past couple of years D4V and I have teamed up to predict and prognosticate on the trends which will impact the next year.
ARTICLE
Best of 2005
by Adrian Bryksa
The city itself is huge with tons of interesting architecture and sights to see, but the best thing I found was that it was warm and humid and the people were so friendly there.
ARTICLE
The Real Canadian Fighting Potion Pt.1
by Crom
No way out. He sighed, and began reading the case notes for the blue sheet, trying to discover how an object no more dangerous then a hacky-sack had killed someone.
2005
ARTICLE
Surf
by Dijita
I straddled my board in the open water and enjoyed that moment of solitude before eyeing the swell that was going to break into the perfect wave.
ARTICLE
First R4NT
by Crom
Do you remember the first time you ever read r4nt? I do. I remember because it was the original issue, and it wasn’t even live on the internet yet..
ARTICLE
Prick the Pin Poodle EP1
by Ian Harding
Get ready for a fun new adventure with Prick the Pin Poodle. In his debut episode, Prick is in search of a new friend. Will he find one? Only the story will tell...
ARTICLE
The Office
by Crom
In every office I’ve ever been in people have had a tacit arrangement to accumulate swag. Not useful or fun stuff either, just random junk that proves you’re a little bit better then everyone around you.
ARTICLE
Crom Vs. EA Games: The Battle for Fun
by Crom
I pray that one day the people at last throw down the shackles of EA oppression and realize that bigger and better is achieved by quality and not by the power of a corrupt and merciless Brand name.
ARTICLE
Ninteen Days
by Beauty
Of course, my imagination was filled with fantasy scenarios involving violence and unfathomable wit, but when faced with overwhelming stupidity I lose the will to fight.
ARTICLE
2006 Wheels
by Ian Harding
With over fifty returning models and just as many new models ready to set their mark, here is a sneak peak into what is up coming on the road ahead for 2006.
ARTICLE
CBC vs. BBC
by MaxPower
My take on the value of the CBC as a portal for Canadians when compared to the BBC is that we are paying approximately 1/4 of what taxpayers in Britain are paying for and getting no where near one-quarter the value.
ARTICLE
The dreams we dream
by Sassy C
Am I living the dream, as she is sure I am? Is this weekly paper with its shared office, cluttered desk and temperamental computer what my dreams are made of?
ARTICLE
Practical Jokes that are truly Practical
by Crom
You ever see those signs on the side of the road that ask "Got junk?" and then have the phone number of some lunatic with a box truck who'll charge you fifty thousand times what the dump will charge you
ARTICLE
A Dying Reality TV Producer
by Crom
How come nobody ever thought about having a show, where the contestants have a roast beef fight? You know, running around, laughing, and throwing freshly sliced, warm roast beef.
ARTICLE
New Rules, New NHL.
by MaxPower
What is new and improved you ask? Well there are a host of rule changes, a per team salary cap of US$39 million and a bunch of other small changes.
ARTICLE
The More Things Change, The More They Stay the Same
by Beauty
We are in a position where we can live comfortably in a large urban centre, and buy nice things for ourselves. Yet our savings are increasing but our spending has not. Why?
ARTICLE
You're a Fag!
by Terence Leung
Chances are, in the world where gaydom orbits, those adjectives and descriptions have been bandied about mercilessly simply because it's easy. Easy to say and easy to learn.
ARTICLE
Are you a YUB?
by MaxPower
They are early adopters of technology whether that is iPods, digital photography or the latest cells. They have (usually) a fair amount of disposable income.
ARTICLE
Manifesto of a Fat Kid
by Crom
I'm telling you to laugh at the sun. Cry when your rivals fall, praise them when they do well. Clap hardest at the worst street play, believe that your power can make them better, believe you can raise the bar.
ARTICLE
Top Five
by Ian Harding
Everyone knows that guys love cars, and it is clear that they have strong opinions about what's cool and what's not. So brace yourself ladies and gents for a quick overview of my top five best and worst cars of 2004.
ARTICLE
Predictions 2005
by Maxpower & D4V
Welcome to the 2005 edition of writers of R4NT predict the future! With you in the New Year is myself MaxPower and D4V.
ARTICLE
Reflection
by Pamela Hruska
It seems an impossible task to articulate the magnitude of the Indian Ocean Earthquakes, or the devastation that has accompanied it.
ARTICLE
Crom's Report Card from the Vincent Price School of Ghoulish Behavior
by Crom
It should be mentioned that the only reason that Crom acheived the grade he did, was the already latently bizarre nature of his mode of speech.
2004
ARTICLE
Douglas Adams VS. Crom: Literary Showdown
by Crom
An ego that teeters from brazenly cocky to china doll fragile like the precarious seat of an over-worked rickshaw.
ARTICLE
Poem
by David Gluzman
A Poem Late at night
ARTICLE
Possible Conspiracies Against Me
by Crom
I've come to realize that these conspiracies reaches all points of commerce and politics at work in the world today.
ARTICLE
North by Northwest
by Crom
I'm breaking the old R4NT technology out of the cedar chest and busting yet another editorial cap in the ass of another victim.
ARTICLE
An Open Letter of Apology to My Parents
by Crom
I'm sorry i threw up on the upstairs carpet. I didn't intend to puke all over the rug, it just happened, i was 9, cut me some slack, please.
ARTICLE
Property of the Region?
by Pamela Hruska
Telling someone life altering news, and mandating they must not smoke while on hospital property all at once seems a bit inhumane.
ARTICLE
It's Shocking
by MaxPower
The BCAA survey found that "50% of BC drivers have reduced the amount of driving they do in an average week to compensate for higher fuel prices".
ARTICLE
Things I'd Steal Were I Homeless
by Crom
Plan the items I will no doubt require when I am finally bequeathed to the warm bosom of concretes loving embrace.
ARTICLE
Healthy Healthcare?
by MaxPower
To me, a member of the baby boom echo, I barely use the healthcare system right now, but do I want it to be around when I'm 50 or 60?
ARTICLE
Canadian Pedophiles Breathe a Sigh of Relief
by Gordon McDowell
While both parties spent most of their advertising dollars arguing the merits of anti-pornography laws, freedom of speech and "Teen" magazine..
ARTICLE
The Joy of Employment
by Beauty
While they're absorbing the rays, I'll be absorbing facts from company web sites. While they're well, you get the idea. Let the summer begin.
ARTICLE
Bad Dreams
by Crom
I'm partially awake, and I know I should just get up, just roll the hell out of bed and get a glass of water, and dispel the visions but I don't.
ARTICLE
'Tis the Season of my Discontent
by Beauty
I would be content to sit in the shade in all my pale glory, except that people seem to feel compelled to point out my whiteness.
ARTICLE
Screw thy Customer
by David Gluzman
I don't ask for much, I simply want to be treated relatively the same as a 40 year old walking into your establishment.
ARTICLE
Any Black Sheep in the Family?
by MaxPower
You are not caught on camera and there are no witnesses. You may have left fingerprints, but you aren't worried.
ARTICLE
Menthols
by Crom
One of those grimy pre-spring days, when all the grass is visible from the warmth, but dead and brown from a lack of sun and water..
ARTICLE
A Brief History of my Closet
by Crom
The Clothes were a sloth like people, living wherever they chose, and choking up traffic and putrefying the air..
ARTICLE
The Evolution of TV
by MaxPower
Get people who want to be on TV (for free), buy them plane tickets and give them a hundred American dollars and you have it..
ARTICLE
The Breast Police
by Terence Leung
Cleavage is evil and makes you look like a corner store hooker with an overly hospitable party zone..
ARTICLE
Dear Uncle
by Crom
After his success with the invention of the telephone, Alexander Graham Bell wrote a letter to his uncle, who was also an inventor..
ARTICLE
Crom's Letter to the Editor of Cosmopolitan
by Crom
.your magazine being so obviously targeted at women in the early twenties to late forties, it begs the question, what could I, a 25 year old Male Canadian really have to say about Cosmo..
ARTICLE
Who Will Watch The Watchers?
by MaxPower
I suggest that the ability to present differing viewpoints is a hallmark of an open society, but that shouldn't give journalists a free pass to make up 'facts' that they think may possibly, in some sense be correct..
ARTICLE
The .ini-way to hell
by Crom
Musicmatch sucks more then a vacu-flo, and with less usefulness around the house. Like so many companies they thought that they needed to reengineer the way that music is organized and played..
ARTICLE
The Paperless Endeavor
by David Gluzman
What's an office without a forest of paper trails? What's a purchase without a receipt? What's a visit to the washroom without.. well um.. Actually let's not go that far. I'm going paperless...
ARTICLE
Designer Drugs?
by MaxPower
Normal people living normal lives will be able to enhance their psychological well-being by popping a 'chill pill'. You can have one personality for your work life - concentrated and business-like - and another for Friday and Saturday night..
ARTICLE
I wrote a book in high school
by Crom
I'll write something so awesome it will cave in my skull with its greatness and I'll spend 13 months in ICU before being discharged as a homecare vegetable.
2003
ARTICLE
Hiatus
by Crom
I'll now endeavor to be one of those specials they have on day time talk shows where I need to be moved out of my home via forklift, and I have bedsores from years passed..
ARTICLE
Zen and The Art of Getting Candy
by Anhedonia & Crom
You need the likes of “Rockets” those rolls of little Tums-like candy’s that must have been a compressed pill of pure sugar, 4 or 5 of those in you and it would take 10 cc’s of thorazine to put you to sleep..
ARTICLE
Governor General for What?
by MaxPower
I can, and have, made a strong case in the past that the democratically elected government of Canada doesn't speak for a majority of the population so how could an appointed ex-CBC journalist who has made a career of hobnobbing with the cultural literati speak for the average Canadian?
ARTICLE
Ride Me
by Dijita
Gas prices are stupidly expensive these days, and with the high insurance rates, taking the bus can seem like a good alternative. Heck, its getting to the point where paying a cab fare is probably more worth while than driving your own car..
ARTICLE
Sept 8th 2003 (Monday)
by Haren
We spent most of the evening drawing sketches, watching cartoons, chatting, and so on and so forth..
ARTICLE
If their Bourgeois friends can't handle it, let 'em riot
by Crom
So he goes to court, he gets fined, except they have no god damn money, so they'll go to jail, for a week, get released and put back out on the street with sweet FA and be right back to square one..
ARTICLE
When Does The Man Stick it to The Man?
by MaxPower
Canada owns the Americans on per capita immigration numbers and that's something I'm suitably proud of..
ARTICLE
Small Peters
by Steve McGrath
Tomas is an amazing kid with a sharp mind and the curious nature of a kid. One of his favorite things to do is to ride up to a newspaper box, point and ask "hey what is in the news?"..
ARTICLE
Drinking the black stuff
by David Gluzman
I think the main reason I started drinking coffee was due to the coffee house craze; which took off quicker than Bush declaring war on Iraq..
ARTICLE
The Abuse of Power Hour
by Crom
Striking an almost ghostly resemblance to the agents from the matrix these hard jawed Dudley Do-Rights have far more power then cops. They can detain you for any length of time, unlike the cops. And can have little to no justification for doing so..
ARTICLE
Peaked
by David Gluzman
You'd have to spend hours to be able to count all the mountain tops within your sight. The wind howls and you get pushed around a little, noticing that you are tremendously high up and one wrong move could land you a long way down..
ARTICLE
Rented Demented
by Crom
..there's a process that infuriates me far more then flying, that makes me want to take hostages, and negotiate with no one..
ARTICLE
To Try and Cross Canada
by MaxPower
I recently had the pleasure of driving across Canada, well not all of Canada, but at least half, from the Rockies, through the Prairies, onto the Canadian shield and then finally descending into the so-called 'Golden Horseshoe' where a large percentage of Canadians make their homes.
ARTICLE
Climbing 101
by Kliff
..what really caught your eye was the shot of the girl rock climbing. Now you desperately want to be a rock climber, but you don't know how to get into it. Well relax, it'is really quite easy...
ARTICLE
Governments and Gay Marriage
by Steve McGrath
..there is thought that gay marriages destroy the sanctity of marriage. Doesn't divorce destroy the sanctity of marriage. Perhaps that should be illegal too...
ARTICLE
It's getting hot in here
by David Gluzman
Since Calgary is near the mountains the weather changes faster than a busy downtown hooker changes clients. Thus weather is the number one conversation piece if you live around here...
ARTICLE
Tag Team Commentary: Owen Wilson
by Crom & D4V
His acting is like an old mans bowel movement: Long, tiring, and on frequent occasions painful. His acting is like small children explaining income tax to a blind man, in other words it makes no sense...
ARTICLE
A non researched view of Insurance Companies
by David Gluzman
I only have one more year to go in order to reach premium platinum adult driving status or for my car insurance to drop to a record breaking low, glory I can't wait. Hold up, back up the truck. I've been paying insurance on vehicles for about 6 years.. Hmm. That's about… oh.. $18,000..A non researched view of Insurance Companies
ARTICLE
KKD An Audio R4NT
by Crom
These people are there, like omega man, in the dark, waiting. Nobody sees, but I do. Nobody sees, the krispy kreme disease...
ARTICLE
Privacy Hawks
by MaxPower
There is nary a place in London that you can walk without being on camera. Train stations, bridges, alleys, main tourist arteries, all watched by cameras..
ARTICLE
Derelict?
by Crom
The former Soviet Union was right. Americans are fat... and stupid. They are decadent, and wasteful. I'm certain however, that the same could be said for many nations and peoples..
ARTICLE
Sin City
by Crom
The rampant gambling infection, in every nook and cranny, lends some seediness to places that would be alright, if they didn't have some vacant eyed grandma, blowing her life savings, sitting right next to you..
ARTICLE
Ugly sticks
by Steve McGrath
I am already thinking about some way to engage in conversation with her. Just one more test. The Seinfeld 30 sec rule. If she looks at you 3 times in 30 secs she is interested...
ARTICLE
I'm a Mad Cow
by MaxPower
Here is my study: 100% of the people who have cancer drink water. Thus water causes cancer. FOOLS...
ARTICLE
SARS-castic: an Audio R4NT
by Crom
If they’ve been worshipping their TV so much that they wear the mask in the first place, haven’t they been convinced by Wolf Blitzer and the rest of the news elite, that SARS is impervious to anti-bodies, leaps tall buildings in a single bound, and can infect you by knowledge of the virus alone...
ARTICLE
Audio R4NT #3
by Crom
Tune in and hear it for yourself
ARTICLE
UN-ited Bureaucracy
by MaxPower
Russia said no one needed war to determine the threat of weapons of mass destruction, however, in APRIL Putin says that the UN can't lift the sanctions until someone determines the threat of weapons of mass destruction..
ARTICLE
Business
by The Macleod
..with my best jogging pants and my Wildcats sneakers on I was dressed for success. I hit the neighbourhood streets with nothing more than a bowlful of pinecones and a pocketful of dreams. I would be the next great Canadian success story.
ARTICLE
Food for Thought
by Crom
..or some reason, most people seem to believe that there are a hundred people behind a curtain at their local Denny's just trying to get everything perfect, as if the Queen of England were dining there..
ARTICLE
Motorcycles
by MaxPower
The baffles on his muffler had to be removed as it sounded like a jet was taking off down the street. This was probably exactly the effect he was going for, extreme annoyance..
ARTICLE
Karma
by Dijita
if you do something good, will something good happen to you in a physical sense, as opposed to merely feeling good about yourself?
ARTICLE
A Fine Cheese
by David Gluzman
She had just turned 18 and was out ripping it up at the club, but then it dawned on me that she was born in 1985! Heck, I remember what I was doing in 1985, and that made me feel really old..
ARTICLE
The Police Officer, The Construction Worker, The Indian, The Biker and The Retard
by Terence Leung
The movies, television, media and our everyday lives that invariably encompass those things will always try to push the boundaries of taste, especially humor. It is because it is not real. Racism, sexism, prejudice, stereotypes and insults that cut deep don't become until they are real..
ARTICLE
Audio Rant #2
by Crom
..you wanna become one of the technical elite. You want to jump into some technical institute , grab as much computer knowledge as you can, and then shuck off the current pathetic job you have and make big bucks as a technician. You figure that a few months of intense computer training will imbibe you with the knowledge and experience you need to make you the kind of techie that companies the world over will thirst for..
ARTICLE
In the Beginning...
by MaxPower
And Jean said, "Let the government in Canada be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear." And it was so. 10 Jean called the dry ground "Ottawa," and the dismissed the rest he called "the West" And Jean saw that it was good..
ARTICLE
Large, and in Charge.
by Crom
Obviously people do drugs in order to gain an edge, but I personally would rather hone an edge through blood and sweat. I've seen varied opinions about juice over the years, those that swear by it claiming that there are no ill effects to proper usage, those who curse its name, and those who've become lesser men and women for their transgressions. I'm going to set the record straight.
ARTICLE
Military Service
by The Macleod
Forget the drunken driving charge from 1976, his refusal to deny having tried any illegal drugs prior to 1974, or the talk of insider trading in the late 1980s. Bush's military record puts them all to shame in painting a picture of an unfit and criminal president..
ARTICLE
It's not about Oil Stupid
by MaxPower
IF the US is going to war over the economics of oil, then they should hire some new economists. It just doesn't make sense. The expense of shipping over 150,000 troops to the Middle East for a couple years, plus all of the jet fuel expenditures, bombs used etc, will cost upwards of a trillion dollars over 2 years..
ARTICLE
This is One Whacky Gameshow
by Crom
..everything has become a state of apprehension again. People walk around their daily lives, afraid. Afraid not only of a threat of terrorists and dictators, but of their own government..
ARTICLE
TV Crap
by David Gluzman
..that compilation CD of the best smooth rock of the 80's looks really tempting, yet what the hell is going on with their pricing!? A Canadian company, on Canadian television, yet has the audacity to sell in AMERICAN dollars?!
ARTICLE
Tax Me Not to Fly
by MaxPower
The Nav-Ins-Fuel fee bugs me a bit more, why do I have to pay a navigation fee to Nav Canada to provide navigation to the plane? Don't my federal income taxes or the plane fare cover that? And Insurance? I understand the ramifications of Sept 11th on insurance companies but shouldn't that be incorporated into re-insurance schemes rather than user pay? And Fuel..
ARTICLE
Political Accoutrement
by Crom
we have the leader of the free world, embarrassing us once again. The whole socio/political world loves to include itself into the pop world. In obvious attempts to crack open the minds of the people and slip in under their radar as yet another of the Hollywood / Madison Avenue produced gems we all fall to our knees and worship with regular frequency..
ARTICLE
The wandering thoughts of a nursery-hand
by TDJ
What I mean is that people who don't take personal responsibility of their own situation, their own actions, will never be happy with their station in life. This is because it's never their fault..
ARTICLE
Bloodshot SkEyes
by Crom
Your equilibrium is shot, muscle control is gone and you can barely remember why you did this to yourself in the first place. That's right campers, you got the hangover..
ARTICLE
Predictions 2003
by David Gluzman
Here are some predictions that I'm making up purely on a spur of the moment whim..
ARTICLE
What's Up With This Weather?
by MaxPower
Basically its all blamed on humans because we can't predict weather 24 hours in advance let alone weeks or years. All we have is historical data. And if you live in the 'New World' maybe you have 150 years of historical weather data, if your lucky. More often than not, people are basing what is 'normal' on 0.00000003% of the Earth's history..
ARTICLE
The United States of America can kiss my ass
by Crom
the American people elected a fucking cowboy to office. They put their fate into the hands of a man I wouldn't trust with an elastic gun. A man who had the temerity to state he didn't discount the possibility of using nuclear weapons against countries that have weapons of mass destruction..
ARTICLE
The Osbournes
by The Macleod
Hearing people tell each other to fuck off may have been pretty risqué when I was six, but I can just wait until Christmas dinner with my family to hear it now..
2002
ARTICLE
U. S. S. R you stupid?
by Crom
If I was a farmer and you showed up and said "Hey McDonald, why don't you fork over your potato crop to the G man so we can redistribute it to the masses, and we'll give you this nifty blanket and tin of coffee" Jesus. You better hope I don't have a shotgun handy, or a shovel. I'd drop an anvil on your head.
ARTICLE
CNN Under Fire
by The Macleod
Crossfire implies that Americans must make a choice between the two political parties. Unfortunately with these parties it seems like a clear-cut case of pick your poison..
ARTICLE
Us and Them
by MaxPower
North Korea recently said they are making nukes to try and take over the world, yet US spokespeople have reiterated time and time again that they are willing to talk to North Korea and establish a better dialogue. But some Chretien Yes-Woman called Bush a moron - end of the world.
ARTICLE
Crom feat. Whoever is popular this week?
by Crom
That's what we have to look forward to, an entire world of mixed together techno-country-rock ballads whose purpose is to define the youth of today as being something different from their parents..
ARTICLE
Car Alarms
by Silenced Scream
Car alarms are more woefully annoying than having a root canal done while being forced to listen to Britney Spears..
ARTICLE
Can You Do Something?
by MaxPower
MP's get thousands of letters a year and most MPs can't even show up to all parliamentary sittings let alone read my letter on a certain issue. Sure they have lackeys and university political science volunteers to sift through their mail, but they probably don't care about any one letter more than the thousands of pieces of junk mail the average person gets in a year...
ARTICLE
Audio R4NT
by Crom
We live vicariously through all these sad documentaries, while clutching hopelessly to our sense of security like a childs safety blanket. I think we’ve grown so detached from our neighbors and co-workers that we glue ourselves to the tube and witness these things in some attempt to understand them..
ARTICLE
A View of Armageddon
by MaxPower
The force of the explosion may make a crater up to a mile wide and to a depth of one hundred feet. Millions of tons of pulverized earth, stones, buildings and other materials are drawn up into the fireball and become radioactive. Some of the heavier particles spill out around the point of explosion. The rest are sucked up into the mushroom cloud.
ARTICLE
Grocery Shopping: A treatise on tactical espionage
by Crom
A place where only those with the strongest wit and fastest reflexes will survive; so to make the grocery shopping experiences of the future easier I've compiled several techniques for coming out on top of the food race..
ARTICLE
Switchblade Comb
by Crom
If you can't hack it to the point where you let your kid die, or beat him, or abuse him in any fashion, then you're out of the game. It's obvious that you're a fuck up and don't deserve the trust of the majority in taking care of another human being..
ARTICLE
Let's Slap a Tax on that Puppy
by MaxPower
If I am going to go out and buy a sports car for 150K, do you think I care if it has a 5000-dollar gas-guzzler tax? Uh no. Just as like I don't care about the gas mileage, who cares if it gets 1 mile to the gallon. I'm cool..
ARTICLE
Walk Away
by Crom
..So many people speak of a job that's more then a job. Something they can care about. And, any job is pointless if you care nothing for it. Unless you're whole motivation is to receive that glorious pay cheque every 2 weeks.
ARTICLE
Bird Watching
by David Gluzman
..the fact is men MUST checkout any hot chicks within their viewable area..
ARTICLE
Insider Trader Living
by Crom
..The judicial system of North America is a deflated tire, on a broken down buick. Rusty doors and broken off side mirrors, complimented by a fat, lazy, stupid, on the take, son of a bitch driving it..
ARTICLE
Soda Pop will destroy the universe
by Crom
..They'll battle it out over the precious remaining ingredients in the world, and kill each other for last drops of caramel colour..
ARTICLE
The 6 ½ reasons I woke up drunk in Perkins
by Crom
..what chain of events were so skewed as to leave me stranded at a all night diner, a long way from home, extremely inebriated and with little to no recollection of the past 24 hours..
ARTICLE
R4ndom R4nts
by The Wandering Wasabe Wayfarer
..At some age, likely shortly after puberty, all rational thought and brotherly love flees the body, giving way to selfish concern and mob mentality. The older one gets, the more prominent the effect..
ARTICLE
The Collapse of Capitalism?
by MaxPower
..People who have lost their savings in the Enron collapse had put all of their cash into Enron and never invested in any other companies. Its called diversifying baby, spread the risk out, putting all you financial eggs in one basket is akin to committing economic suicide.
ARTICLE
Mike Who?
by Kobayashi
The separate weigh-ins and the line of security officers separating the two men in the ring only served to heighten my disappointment as there were no riots or body parts removed during the fight..
ARTICLE
I'd try to win the Canadian Rocks House party contest..
by Crom
..the phenomenon of Molson Canadian, is more a mental state, then an actual refreshing beverage..
ARTICLE
G-8 Rioting 101: Only the uneducated need apply
by Kobayashi
..let the radicals claw their way through K-Country. Our bears are getting rather hungry..
ARTICLE
Cancer and You
by MaxPower
You think we have starvation problems now, wait till the food gestapo starts kicking over bowls of rice in developing countries. Hey China and India - all 2.2 billion of you, stop eating rice it'll give you cancer. Hey Italy don't you know noodles will kill you?
ARTICLE
Ugliness Rears its Ugly Head on Talent
by Terence Leung
..There is a girl somewhere in the world running around strumming her half-broken guitar and humming to herself, with the potential to re-arrange the entire face of music in one fell swoop... instead, we can substitute talent in for breasts..
ARTICLE
Stupid Callers
by The Lotus Queen
..Unlike the mainstream radio stations, it is really easy for anyone to call in. And I mean anyone!
ARTICLE
Mt.Bike try-hards are lame
by David Gluzman
..What isn't cool is seeing un-core people buy super crazy downhill bikes and then just ride it throughout town without a helmet or anything..
ARTICLE
FIFA - Why the Hell Should I Care?
by Obsidian
..Even the CBC is running games, which is something I never thought I'd see in my lifetime from the Toronto-is-the-centre-of-the-Universe network..
ARTICLE
...With a Fistful of Napalm®
by Crom
..How come I'm not out right now on the streets of Calgary, with an AK47, listening to a police scanner, just waiting to grease some people?..
ARTICLE
The Social Experiment
by David Gluzman
..Every time I would pay for something on my credit card I would then make sure to act cool and make sure to sign absolutely nothing like my proper signature. The results I may say were quite interesting..
ARTICLE
Communication is Key
by Obsidian
..My friend and I are no longer friends because I became angry in regards to her behavior, lack of communication and lack of respect for my feelings
ARTICLE
Why I love Free-dom
by Eric Hamilton
..Free software, pirated movies, and of course, Mp3's are all available without too much difficulty or technical know-how..
ARTICLE
Ill at ease
by TDJ
..the Internet is vastly an unregulated medium, there is almost a sense of anarchy in that people feel it's their right to put forth unauthorised and inappropriate information into the public domain..
ARTICLE
Diamond in the shit
by Crom
..The sad part is that somehow, even if I were to bomb all the theaters , a la Capone boot liquor styles, they would somehow make some money off this piece of shit.
ARTICLE
Warning: Arm Flapping Leads to Heart Attacks
by Maxpower & Beauty
..How can anyone be certain that when I take my car for a spin I am contributing to the end of the world?
ARTICLE
Consumerism
by David Gluzman
..Some punch the clock at a higher frequency so that they can make an extra buck in order to buy a new $50,000 car. Problem is they already drive a two year old $45,000 car!
ARTICLE
The Stolen World of Cartoons
by The Macleod
..Time to gather your quilt, shuffle to the kitchen, pour a bowl of cereal containing one part Shreddies, two parts sugar, and park your 70lb. ass in front of the TV for the next five hours for a morning of glorious cartoon heaven...
ARTICLE
Stepping Up
by Crom
It would be nice, once in awhile to have someone assume you actually know something, and that you weren't hired on to do the job because you'd work for a tuna-salad sandwich everyday..
ARTICLE
The Canadian Century
by MaxPower
..In an era of natural resource shortages Canada will have the world by the proverbial balls..
ARTICLE
Unlock the Secret Money Making Power of the Internet
by Crom
..how exactly could I have been intimately familiar with the workings of the on-line world, and have missed this money making magic..
ARTICLE
CBC Olympics
by David Gluzman
..I'm on this station to watch some athletes slobber all over themselves whilst in burning agony of their event..
ARTICLE
Article #1
by unlearn
..Money tells us how to dress, how to socialize, how to live, where to work and even how to act. In short we have given money way too much power..
ARTICLE
Fireball X10
by Crom
...No one is buying this thing, everyone I've ever talked to hates the company for their incessant advertising campaign...
ARTICLE
Friends don't let friends buy brand name computers
by David Gluzman
...brand name computers are good for two kinda people, newbies, and old people...
ARTICLE
Crap and the City
by Crom
The onslaught of garbage on at 2 a.m. is a graduate paper unto itself, and amidst this flow of electronic crappica resides the evil known as sitcoms...
ARTICLE
Post University "Life"
by Obsidian
The day finally arrives when you complete your last exam and promptly head to the nearest bar to celebrate by drinking until you can't walk straight, then drinking some more...
ARTICLE
Product Labelling: An Exercise in Corporate Obfuscation
by MaxPower
...the same people who drink Evian water because that's good for you, and also enjoy the many health benefits of smoking...
ARTICLE
Originality, the forgotten lore
by Crom
...It seems that anytime a movie deviates from the expected outcome, it's considered a marvel of cinematography...
ARTICLE
Radar Zone
by David Gluzman
...Theses stealthy bastards camp out in undercover cop cars tagging speedsters while having a nap or chewing on a donut. God I hate photo radar...
ARTICLE
Pains, Trains and Other Disasters
by MaxPower
...These people often only have the experience of taking inter-city trains and compared to commuter trains it is like comparing driving a car to riding a horse in the rain, and the horse has a broken leg, and its cold outside, and the horse is dead...
ARTICLE
What Loose Change Might Lead To
by Hutchinson
...I have some concerns about the organization that are possibly being too easily dismissed by incoherent moms and dads who strap this familiar orange unicef box around their child's neck without thinking what the money raised might be used for...
2001
ARTICLE
Uneven Field
by Obsidian
...hell if it were a game in the local casino there's a good bet that you'd be passing it up for something that offered better chance of winning...
ARTICLE
GI JOE could beat up your dad
by Crom
...He couldn't bend at the knees, or elbows. Once again I was forced to compare this toy to the toys of my youth. GI JOE...
ARTICLE
Golfing
by David Gluzman
...To clear things up, I'm referring to the daily habits of chronic internet users..
ARTICLE
The Forbidden Fruit
by The Witless Wonder
...Today is bad, but tomorrow will be better. I am alone now, but I will not be in the future...
ARTICLE
Harry Potter and the Downfall of Western Civilization
by MaxPower
...why do I continually see grown, professional adults reading 'Harry Potter' on my daily commute to work? Would you read Winnie the Pooh on the train or bus?
ARTICLE
Cloning: A no brainer
by FatLip
...Television and movies have bred ignorance of the issue and branded cloning with a virulent destructive stigma...
ARTICLE
Reading between enemy lines
by Roy Veismeir
...Muslim children are taught to hate. If this isn’t the case, why haven’t Islam’s religious leaders around the world condemned terrorism and distanced Islam from hijackers and murderers?
ARTICLE
Cheech and Chong's Halloween
by Crom
...I filled up a cup of beer and struck up a conversation with a nearby party patron. I recall having the beer power...
ARTICLE
Roommates
by David Gluzman
...I found a bunch of her books lying around and I just fell over laughing (books on witch craft, and an odd book named "There is nothing wrong with you")...
ARTICLE
Playing into their hands
by Crom
...These radio stations could air their DJ's making farting noises all day long and there's Sweet Fuck All that we could do about it...
ARTICLE
On Not Giving In
by The Macleod
...I'm going to see the world and not be roped into the suburban prison of mowing lawns and fighting early morning commutes. Leave that to the middle-agers...
ARTICLE
Fear and Loathing
by Crom
...Once you've reached the point where all the things you once knew have become smoke and mirrors, you have to reboot the system...
ARTICLE
Saturday Morning Cartoons
by Pamela Hruska
...I cannot seem to reproduce the unbelievably contented feeling of waking up at 7 am on Saturday to watch my favorite cartoons...
ARTICLE
Canadian Commandos - JTF 2
by MaxPower
...They are trained in the Canadian arctic and mountain regions, giving them a highly specialized niche in which to practice counter terrorist techniques on the world stage...
ARTICLE
NHL and the Love of The Game
by MaxPower
...For all of hockey's shortcomings, faults and problems, it continues to be a truly Made in Canada sport...
ARTICLE
Higher Stupidity
by TDJ
...it's him, asking if the lecturer can change the color of the chalk he's using, or if he can make sure the air conditioner is on...
ARTICLE
Ground control to Major Tom
by Crom
...I figure if you want to have true reality programming, get about 150 guys together, promise them a small appliance, and leave them in a dirt pit with nothing but Beer and Angel Dust...
ARTICLE
Can't Think
by David Gluzman
...I've always wondered why traffic circles never really took off in North America...
ARTICLE
Poems
by Alphabet Supes
...sometimes, when 20 people talk to you at once, all monday grumpy it's cold at work and everyone's cold and unhappy whining...
ARTICLE
Sexthis
by Wartank
...let's face it, even the truly, purely, beautiful inside-and-out women in this world think their ass is too fat...
ARTICLE
The Cultural Divide: The Theatre Experience
by MaxPower
..parents seem to allow their children run up and down the aisles yelling and throwing food...
ARTICLE
Down the Stream of Consciousness Without an Oar
by The Witless Wonder
...We survive in harmless pockets of disillusionment, happily secluded from the infinitely offending, indeterminately offensive, unavoidably perceptive ignorant masses...
ARTICLE
Chalk it up to the Y
by Crom
...Granted that getting into a girls underwear requires a minimum amount of skill (in some cases), and that for the most part women allow themselves to manipulated...
ARTICLE
Draw the Longbow
by Crom
...He's the guy that gives you advice you don't want or need, he's the guy that has the answer to everything, He's the asshole in our midst...
ARTICLE
Dubya, Riots, Media and other such Nonsense
by MaxPower
...I conclude that the media in their coverage of George Bush's London Sightseeing Tour is directly responsible for the riots...
ARTICLE
False Hopes
by David Gluzman
...my parents forgot to tell me that having $100 at the bank didn't yield much interest. Guess I shouldn't have spent that 20 cents I made all at one time...
ARTICLE
Once a month I want to kill people
by The Lotus Queen
...Menstruating females! We are a group that should not be pissed off...
ARTICLE
Mike Bullard - A Tragedy in Three Acts
by The Macleod
...I can't think of a single person I know who considers this man funny and yet there he is, night after night, telling jokes to what appears to be a crowd of mildly retarded Torontonian yokels...
ARTICLE
Salutatum Decerto
by Crom
...The battle raged through four stages, covering a street scene, a factory, a jungle-like setting and the Shadow Warriors' creepy castle, where a still-armed Willy awaited...
ARTICLE
uOY KCuF
by David Gluzman
...Zooming in daddy's brand new jaguar while passing in and out of lanes @ 30km/h over the speed limit while talking on their cell phones and smoking a cigarette...
ARTICLE
Call on my brothers
by Crom
...They show up half cut, drink all your booze and wake you up 3 times. The next day they make their excuses and leave...
ARTICLE
Services First, Technology Second, People Third
by John S. Rhodes
...Microsoft's business model no longer revolves around software. Instead, it revolves around services, transactions, and extracting value from activity on the internet...
ARTICLE
Ladies and Gentlemen of the House.
by Crom
...In their 1969, Charger, painted orange with the confederate flag on the top, and named "The General Lee" they raced, burned, jumped, peeled, rocketed, cannon balled and buffed out...
ARTICLE
N'SYNC? Bigger than Jesus?
by Terence Leung
...2.2 million copies! 2.2 MILLION copies! In 2 days! What kind of God-loving creature would buy it? Where do these people come from?...
ARTICLE
Bill and Ted's bogus journey
by Crom
...Everything is in blackout, we have no clue what's around us, I just know charlie's up ahead somewhere and that we're gonna take care of him right good...
ARTICLE
Air Canada Sucks
by MaxPower
...the plane was a A340, however, it must have been stripped by a gang when it landed in NYC or LAX, because not only was the plane absent of any technological advantages...
ARTICLE
The long road home.
by Crom
...Rage helped. Rage always does; it's a powerful fuel. When you're that angry you find it possible to do things that, moments before you were too lazy or tired or drunk to even attempt...
ARTICLE
Casket Royale
by The Lotus Queen
...There was even a scandal about it alleging that it was selling porn right out on the shelves with all the other movies. Or letting minors into that curtained off area it had. Or something...
ARTICLE
Shiny Happy Colors
by David Gluzman
...Deciding to look for inspiration elsewhere such as a book comes to mind. Falling asleep is normally the consequence of taking a book into my hands...
ARTICLE
Shifty Beards
by The Macleod
...But on some other level, don't they just creep you out? Think about it. Sure, they can be heroic and virtuous, but whether its grower intends it or not, it's a de facto mask...
ARTICLE
Misdirection and Confusion: ISBN 0679889582
by Crom
...The genius that thought up this system of organization knew exactly what kind of twisted game he was getting into. This whole cracked-up fun house style design was made on purpose...
ARTICLE
Bruce Banner Time
by Crom
...If I had a nickel for every time some superhero in a tinted-out, too much bass, fuzzy dice, rice'd out, chunk of shit cut me off trying to race down to Metro before the drink specials are over and all the bar sluts are taken...
ARTICLE
Dancing, partying, and checking the scene.
by Duke
...Maybe it's the incredible amount of frustration that sweeps over me whilst I'm out. The smoke, the cover, the bad music, or even the ass holes that manage to push me around...
ARTICLE
IF YOU CAN'T PARK, GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE CAR!
by The Lotus Queen
...Is Hello Kitty stuck in between the tires, preventing them from turning backwards? Do they not actually know how to drive? Do they think that other drivers behind them are as dumb as they are and will not be able to figure out that reverse lights mean...
ARTICLE
Paraiso Perdido
by Crom
...Corporate empires have conspired against the average consumer to slowly raise the price of the established cheap theaters in a sinister plot to curveball higher prices into your budget without your notice...
ARTICLE
Pour Some Sugar On me
by Crom
...The casualties of this war have been piling up and there appears to be no end in sight. Ever since the Backstreet boys and their kind surfaced in the music world, there's been an obvious pattern to new musical groups coming out...
ARTICLE
Superhero, for your gums!
by David Gluzman
...Remember that first time the lights came out and what you though was a preview to a killer new action film was actually a stupid ad...
ARTICLE
Attack of the Wanna-Be Athletic Superstars
by MaxPower
...I took this opportunity to surreptitiously unscrew the top of his water and knock it over, ending his drinking, when he got back he looked lost as he sat down in a puddle of water...
ARTICLE
Welcome to the Internet, Loser
by The Jerky Bastard
...But then again, you are going to have to call support anyway to figure out how to get the porn sites out of your history list, so what the heck..
ARTICLE
I made a mistake
by Crom
...If I could get paid the same salary as an entry-level computer programmer to roam around the grasslands playing golf, I'd laugh until my ribs broke...
ARTICLE
Bar Nightmare
by The Lotus Queen
...Lap Dogs suck the dick of patriarchal structure (among others). Studs and their ilk do not like lesbians, they like slutty straight girls who pretend. Lesbians would not ask them to join in. Neither would anyone else with an ounce of taste and common sense...
ARTICLE
Lost in Fashion
by David Gluzman
...Ah yes my beloved ties… I think that word could be synonymous with management. Every time I think of a manager I think of some moron telling me what to do with a clashing tie around his eight ball...
ARTICLE
The Boy who cried "Hacker!!"
by Crom
...I delight in knowing that I've bested someone on the proverbial battleground. Some may think this is a machoesque computer nerd thing, but I'd rather look on it as the way a chess master feels after a stunning victory...
ARTICLE
Debunking the Myth of Global Warming
by MaxPower
...for humans to blame a fluctuation of decimals points of one degree Celsius on our work, vastly underestimates the sun's effect on heating the planet. What you see in most mainstream media is mostly liberal and environmentalist propaganda constructed expressly to frighten the average person...
ARTICLE
Everything was Great… till we brought the wrath of god down on ourselves.
by Crom
..If we don't start getting our heads pulled from our asses, the brimstone will be raining down on our heads, and your patented Eddie Bauer umbrella will last about as long as a gay parade in Revelstoke...
ARTICLE
Bros b4 Ho's
by The Jerky Bastard
...But wait, what am I saying? I should be happy for my "friend" right? I mean, he's found a soulmate and a convenient place to make sperm deposits. Hey, they're open on Sundays!